Phil and Ellen were in their late
twenties, happily married without a trace of marital problems, with a
family of four. The youngest was Cindy, an adorable little girl. At age
three she became critically ill with leukemia. The grim diagnosis of
having an ill child hit them like a bombshell. An ongoing cycle of
hospital shifts, consultations and extreme worry followed.
Anyone who claims that a fatal illnesses of a family member doesn't strain family relationships and causes at least minor strains in marital and family relationships simply doesn't know what he is talking about.
The physical and emotional strain of dealing with an ill child erodes the family's patience, their self esteem, and their ability to think straight. However, if you don't despair and give up hope there is some light at the end of this dark tunnel.
Not all families need the same type of help. In Phil and Ellen's situation emotional help was what was needed. There are other families that only need practical help. For instance take the Jameson's family.
Whatever your needs might be here are a few ideas on how to "make it through" this difficult situation without ruining friendly, marital and family relationships:
Sometimes it is emotional support that is necessary. Other times practical help is in order. It makes no difference. The main goal is to ensure that your family life continues as normally as possible while tending a very ill child.
As time wore on, and wore them down, they became drained physically and emotionally and Ellen sensed that, in addition to having a very ill child, her family relationships always began to crumble. She no longer liked discussing things with her family and, the truth was she didn't even like seeing them anymore. With no family support and financial resources, the couple were desperate . The present was unbearably hard – the future uncertain at best. For Cindy, her parents, and the whole family, life was a nightmare.
At that low point when all seemed so black a social worker stepped in; an angel in disguise. She didn't initially directly address the issue of how to treat her critically ill child or how to rebuild her shattered family relationships but she was surely the one who saved Phil and Ellen.
She listened to their fears and sadness.
She arranged for help through the local community center; so that the couple and their family, would have a semblance of normalcy in their lives and fix the frayed family relationships.
She put them in touch with a support group made up of families with terminally and other sick children.
They discovered hope and caring in the depths of their despair and became encouraged. They were able to move forward, reconnect with each other and, almost like magic, all of their marital disappeared and they were able to focus on helping their ill daughter.
Anyone who claims that a fatal illnesses of a family member doesn't strain family relationships and causes at least minor strains in marital and family relationships simply doesn't know what he is talking about.
The physical and emotional strain of dealing with an ill child erodes the family's patience, their self esteem, and their ability to think straight. However, if you don't despair and give up hope there is some light at the end of this dark tunnel.
How Can I Help a Friend Who Has a Critically Ill Child?
Not all families need the same type of help. In Phil and Ellen's situation emotional help was what was needed. There are other families that only need practical help. For instance take the Jameson's family.
Family Jameson's 2 year old suffered from a serious heart condition. She was in and out of hospital with emergencies and complications, for extended periods. They had a top doctor working on the case. Advice was not needed in the medical area.
However, life at home for five additional children had to continue. The problems were quite overwhelming. Siblings had to get their schoolwork done; appointments had to be attended etc.
Neighbors and friends stepped in offering concrete help. One neighbor even offered to coordinate all the help. This would significantly relieve the burden for Mrs. Jameson. The family was truly grateful to their wonderful acquaintances.
Whatever your needs might be here are a few ideas on how to "make it through" this difficult situation without ruining friendly, marital and family relationships:
- Join a support group. Support groups are a must for people facing life-threatening situations and help in a few ways.
- To share your pain and anxiety with others in similar situations helps to ease that pain.
- Seeing others in the same situation eases the irrational guilt that is inside of you, either the guilt that they could have prevented the situation in the first place or that you are not doing enough to help the sick person.
- You get new practical ideas on which doctors, hospitals, or agencies to turn to for help.
- To help others in stress helps to relieve your own stress.
- Don't listen to all the advise or comments of people who have not experienced this kind of challenge. They might intend to help you but statements like, "Pull yourself together!" or "Stop acting like a small child and go on with life" only makes you feel worse.
- However, keep in mind that they are really only trying to help the best that they can. Thank them for their insights but don't take them to heart.
- Do accept practical help from friends like baby-sitting, cooking or taking on hospital shifts. You need conserve your physical strength as much a possible.
- Don't be embarrassed to meet with a social worker. They can be extremely helpful.
Sometimes it is emotional support that is necessary. Other times practical help is in order. It makes no difference. The main goal is to ensure that your family life continues as normally as possible while tending a very ill child.
